we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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