shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
