I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
