Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
