Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
