I skipped work to stalk him.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
