do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
