I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
