hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
