homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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