I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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