He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
