I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
