Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I am puke
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
