Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
