the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
