Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
