He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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