There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
