now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
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