Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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