I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You made out with two different species that night
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
