Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
