what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
