I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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