We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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