I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
