Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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