you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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