And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
