maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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