Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
