dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
