i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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