what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
