and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
