He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
