If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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