I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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