Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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