Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
