3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
