Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
