He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
