i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
