You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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