I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
