Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
