some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Is it because I queefed?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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