Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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