And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
