mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
