your thong is hanging out like whoa
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
