I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
